REPLY TO ALL: Reality Kills

Maybe we are taking this a bit too seriously lately. But let’s face it, when things get real, gamers are better prepared for extreme situation than any subculture. When aliens with time controlling power-ups attack we will be right there on the frontlines, behind Ethan. So let’s face our fears and throw out the game scenarios out there that would frighten you the most if you were actually confronted with it in real life.

Doom

I can take him

Wizardtrain187

The scenario that frightens me the most is that portrayed in Doom. The scariest aspect of that particular situation is the fact that you’re dealing with demonic enemies. While demonic enemies can be killed with conventional weaponry, they are much stronger than organic life forms and the rules of biology don’t always apply. While a headshot eliminates most creatures you’ll face, its not always a given with demons. I won’t even get into the need for magical weapons (such as that cube) for dispatching certain higher level demons. They also have the ability to use demonic magic and as seen in Doom, that could mean fireballs, regeneration or even teleportation. People tend to lock themselves behind heavily fortified structures when danger is present, but such a strategy would have many holes should you be attacked by demons that can teleport all over the place. The other thing to keep in mind is demon possession and how easily it can occur. Demons don’t need to just bite you to take over your body which means that your buddy whose been fighting alongside you for the past few weeks could suddenly turn on you with little warning.

Colefacekilla

While Doom would be a scary situation to find yourself in, and I certainly don’t ever want to come face to face with a demon of any kind, the scenario I’m most afraid of is a Zombie Apocalypse. Now I know Ethan will scoff at my fear but I don’t ever want to find myself in a mansion on the outskirts of Raccoon City. Imagine walking through a spooky house not knowing what you are about to uncover. Sometimes zombie dogs jump through windows to attack you, and other times you’ll walk upon a zombie eating the remnants of your former squad mate. After all of these harrowing situations the only chance you get to rest is by finding a TYPEWRITER!?!?! How many old spooky mansions have typewriters these days let alone multiple ones located throughout the house? That is not something I ever want come across and I have vowed to never walk into isolated mansions on the outskirts of cities.

JDevL

Nemesis

Everyone's Nemesis

Doom jumped out at me, too. Aside from the enemies themselves, just the concept of hell actually invading is a daunting one. Very much an all hope is lost type of moment. I still scoff at the zombie apocalypse, maybe I’m a sucker, but I think we can find a way in that situation. At least as long as those zombies obey the rules that are well documented by this point and they aren’t the weird tentacle ones from later Resident Evil games.

If I was going to take anything frightening from Resident Evil. I think having your very own Nemesis is much more terrifying. I was tense that entire game because of that guy, and it never let up. And let’s face it I don’t have the skills of Jill Valentine to put him down once, let alone repeatedly. I’d rather become a zombie than deal with him.

Coopopopolopolis

The Dead Space scenario freaks me out way more than Resident Evil. I think it has to do with being stuck in a ship in space with nowhere to go. In that situation i would probably just leave the ship and suffocate out in the open. It’s better than what you run into. I don’t have the balls Isaac has to just walk around in the dark quiet hallways with creepy little spider babies. At least in most zombie scenarios you have room to run around with options as far as places to go. I would, however, prefer to be in a mall though than stuck in a giant mansion.

streetalchemist

While the Dead Space scenario would be completely awful, I think the Limbo scenario could be even worse. Not only do you have no idea where you’re at, or where you should go or why, but everything is a trap. I absolutely hate spiders and the spider in that game takes the cake for me for scariest spider in a game. If that thing was following me in real life I’d probably jump off a cliff first and pray it was a high enough drop to kill me. I was just impressed with how many gruesome ways there were to die in that game… If it hadn’t been the art style it was, it would have been ridiculous.

Limbo

Thanks, now my skin is crawling, too

JDevL

Spiders or not, I’m done if the world starts rotating like that and gravity gets all screwed up.

GiffTor

I’m not going to argue that any of the above scenarios is not terrifying. However, I am a ninth-level Zombie Eradicator and have a PhD in Anti-Demonology and got a silver plated Remington pump-action for graduation from the Pope, so I feel pretty confident that I’d make a good showing. However, I think the one that scares me the most (as I literally have nightmares about it, even though they’re kind of fun since I’m a fairly lucid dreamer) would be if I were stuck on a still-terraforming colony planet like LV-426 and one of the mom-and-pop prospecting teams came back with some sort of critter attached to their faces. Hell, even if the United States Colonial Marines got there in time, xenomorphs have aqua regia for blood. Plus, having a parasite growing inside of you that will one day eat its way through your sternum while you’re still awake and alive makes me cringe every time that I get heartburn.

streetalchemist

Wow… yeah that definitely beats giant black and white spiders any day! I think another scary game situation for me personally would be the scenario in One Chance… because seriously, that thing killed fricking everybody in a week. Sucks even more to be the guy who single-handedly caused the destruction of human civilization and then lived alone in a park with his dead daughter. It’s more psychological scary, but that would SUCK!

Colefacekilla

Guys, I think we are all missing the most horrifying experience there is. Imagine trying to unclog a tub and being sucked into a different dimension with princess stealing lizard turtles and talking toadstools. Mario has had the roughest life. First, his girlfriend is stolen by a giant ape who throws barrels at him while he tries to climb up scaffolding to rescue said girlfriend. After an indeterminate time Mario was on a plumbing job with his brother Luigi, and the get sucked into a bathtub portal. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t trade Mario’s life with mine any day. Hell, even when he goes on vacation he has to strap on a damn water cannon and clean up some paint.

Mario

What is wrong with Yoshi?

Coopopopolopolis

Super Mario Sunshine was a pretty horrible scenario. I didn’t even think of that. I retract my previous statement. I would rather be trapped in space with necromorphs than be trapped inside Mario Sunshine. That’s terrifying.

JDevL

Case and point that Super Mario World is terrifying

GiffTor

I think you’re missing a critical point here, though – not only did Mario have the ability to shoot/spit fireballs when he ate flowers, he could actually become invincible and his girlfriend WAS A PRINCESS (who, incidentally, was neither a zombie nor impregnated by the interstellar equivalent of carnivorous cockroaches that will one day soon explode from her decolletage in a red rain of flesh, blood and bone.

JDevL

I’d never date a princess, except for maybe Kitana.

Colefacekilla

Sure while all that exploding into a “red rain of flesh, blood, and bone” is scary, you’d think after your girlfriend keeps getting kidnapped, you’d just break up with her. Granted, Mario’s problem is an easy one to solve, but any girlfriend (princess or not) who can have that type of hold on you is frightening.

GiffTor

I think she’s just stringing Mario along and secretly has a thing for Koopa and his caveman/bondage ways. He is King Koopa, right?

JDevL

Although, I would be pissed if a giant lizard stole my girlfriend and I would go into the sewers after him.

Wizardtrain187

I take issue with the fact that Doom and the Alien series is being compared to a game where 75% percent of all obstacles have smiley faces. Mario could easily avoid all his problems if he just kept better watch over princess and hoping on a lizard or turtles head is much easier than avoiding corrosive blood and flaming skulls.

GiffTor

If the Aliens smile, you KNOW you’re screwed.

Aliens

I'm not smiling

streetalchemist

Of course, Princess Rosalina on the other hand exists in this pipe universe of weirdness AND space, so Mario Galaxy + Necromorphs is a perfectly acceptable possibility. And besides, I’m not sure Mario was entirely faithful to Toadstool while he was on Rosalina’s ship… So throw in an angry Princess Peach and you have a hell of a scary situation on your hands…

GiffTor

It is absolutely critical that I share this: Video Game Reunion Trailer (NSFW Language)

JDevL

Warcraft

Can we stop magic?

Rosalina’s relationship with the star people also terrified me.

Another type of invasion that I think we’d actually stand a chance against would be if a dark portal opened and we were confronted with The Horde and the orc clans of the original Warcraft games. Could our technology top their brutality and magic? I think if we wiped them out quickly, we’d be ok until they adapted. But their magic may make things a bit tricky or possible disable our technology. Then, I think it is safe to say we are screwed.

GiffTor

I’m basing this on earth-based mythology, but aren’t Orc-style magics mainly earth-based (as in, requiring blood/sacrifice) because as vaguely magical critters go, orcs/goblins are footsoldiers of the fae, not the wizards. So where I’m going with this is: I’m still putting my money on Mr. Browning and Mr. Remington and element number 82 propelled at supersonic velocities.

JDevL

Give warlocks and shamans enough time and I’m telling you our weapons may be worthless. It’s not like we have anyone on our side that can reverse anything they do anyway. Unless you know any bad ass Wiccans.

EndlessBen

This topic actually makes me laugh a lot because when I have too much time on my hands, I start to think of things like this. When I’m at home, I start looking around me, wondering what I would use to defend myself were the zombie apocolypse to go down. I think I need to spend more money in hardware stores and sporting goods stores. And I feel like the zombie apocolypse has gotten a bad wrap in this discussion. I mean, sure, if there were typical movie-style, slow, stupid zombies, we could probably handle that shit with no problems. But come on, if they were Left 4 Dead, smart, running zombies, that would be an issue. Also, if a zombie can’t find human flesh to devour, does he starve to (re)death? When I’m on the train, I always look around at my fellow passengers, wondering if there was some catastrophe and we got stuck, who in the train would take on what roles. But lately I’ve been imagining some terrifying sink hole opens up and I have to climb up the train like the beginning of Uncharted 2.

Uncharted 2

Ya, I'm not climbing my way up

Having said all that, I’m going with the Doom scenario as the worst. But then again, things like a BFG exist in that situation so maybe it’s all relative. Imagine if Mario had a BFG. We’ll see how that damn monkey’s barrels hold up to that.

JDevL

I want to thank Ben for putting the wonderful image of “Mario with a BFG” in my head. Maybe Doom wouldn’t be so bad if we had those weapons. However, we all know the world wouldn’t survive if the BFG was invented in the first place. I wonder if the second amendment covers that.

Conclusion

The answer is much simpler than we ever feared. Stuff your smiling mushrooms, your zombie hordes, your magical fantasy creatures, and your royal girlfriends in a sack because nothing is more frightening than the certainty of Doom.

Doom BFG

Our only hope

Sources:

Giant Bomb (images)
DeviantArt – CorporateDemon (image)
Realistic Mario (image)