One Answer: Why Should Video Games Be Thankful For You?

South Park 64

Gobble, gobble.

It’s Thanksgiving week here in the States, but worldwide everyone has plenty to be thankful for (I have the Facebook feed to prove it). But we haven’t heard from you, video games! Thank us now or we’ll force uncomfortable conversations on you about our political beliefs and our extended families non-life threatening medical issues. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Thank you, Justin Lacey

  • Secret of Evermore should be thankful that my friends and I pretended it was a good enough game to finish over a dozen times.
  • Rock Band should thank me for the 1000+ tracks I bought and for being completely ok with those purchases not carrying over to the inevitable reunion tour on new consoles.
  • Red Dead Redemption should thank me for not being phased by random horse penises.
  • Planetside 2 should thank me and every other game with a terrible free-to-play model for wearing me down enough that I could finally give in and spend money on an in-game car horn.
  • World of Warcraft should be thankful that I’m too lazy to cancel my subscription because at this point I think I’ve paid for at least 39+ months where I never logged in.

Thank you, Ethan Moses

  • The Resident Evil series should be thankful for me because I’ve cleaned up every one of its mistakes…and paid money for those opportunities.
  • Fallout: New Vegas should be thankful for me because by killing all the wildlife, I gave the bandits a larger pool of people to rob/murder/eat.
  • FTL should be thankful for me because my slow genocide of space exploration teams has made being a member of a space exploration team a highly sought after position.
  • Steam Early Access developers should be thankful for me because I’ve tried almost all of their games.

Thank you, Cole Monroe

  • Square(soft)Enix should be thankful for me because I keep buying and will continue to buy Final Fantasy games new and old no matter how shitty the games can be.
  • Microsoft should be thankful for me for finally buying an Xbox One. Actually they should be thankful to Kenny for his bad influence.
  • Glass Joe should thank me for keeping him relevant a couple of times each year.
  • Konami should be thanking me for still playing a Castlevania game after all the damage they’ve done over the years, even if that game I’m playing is still Symphony of the Night.
Simon's Quest

Should be thankful that we made it our site’s namesake and that may have colored our historical opinion of the game for everyone but Justin who knows it is awesome.

Thank you, Coop

  • Bethesda should thank me for finally admitting I like RPGs.
  • Gears of War 3 should thank me for completing 100 beta matches plus 100 additional kills with the Gold Retro Lancer just to keep it.
  • Steam should thank me for building a PC an re-buying games I own on console.
  • Dark Souls should thank me for continuing to let it kill me as many times as it has.
  • Aliens: Colonial Marines should thank me for consciously paying money for it.

Thank you, Jordan Wilson

  • The Zelda franchise should thank me for still believing that every game it makes is as amazing as the last.
  • Mass Effect 3 should thank me for my unrelenting service in ridding the galaxy of threats through a continuous year of multiplayer.
  • Steam should thank me for forsaking my console roots and checking in every day for deals.
  • Dust 514 should thank me for paying to play the beta (or just give me my money back).

Thank you, Kenny Lucas

  • The industry at large should be thankful that I have poor self-control when it comes to buying stuff.
  • GameStop should be thankful I trade in stuff when, four to five years later, I finally realize I will never play it again.
  • Point-and-click adventure games should be thankful because I’m like one of five people who were like, “Yeah! Make more of those!”

Why should video games be thankful for you?