Mail This: Stay Out of Our Games, Senators Joe Donnelly and Dan Coats

Dear Senators Coats and Donnelly, Among all of the other pieces of news dropping recently regarding the fair city of Washington, D.C., one that has recently re-reared its ugly head is the specter of the Cyber Intelligence Sharing and Protection Act (CISPA). While the Senate, long identified as functioning as the more deliberative house of… Continue reading

Mail This: Treat the Disease, Not the Symptom

Dear “Jake,” My wife gets one of those magazines with 300 Fashion Tips! and a monthly “The [insert random number] Secrets to Bedroom Fireworks!” article. I don’t make it a habit to read it because, you know, I’m a dude. Last month, though, I was cooking dinner for the two of us and she read… Continue reading

Gaming Regrets: Mail This: Quit Crying, It’s not that Horrible

Dear Horrible Night, As I understand it, this month is all about gaming regrets. And I’d love to join in and share my feelings about games I’m sad I missed out on or games I wish I liked, except I’m not a whiny, moping child. Throughout January, Horrible Night will be featuring articles on Gaming… Continue reading

Mail This: Fire All Phasers

Dear Producers of Tired-Assed Franchises, On September 8, 1966, Gene Roddenbury sent Captain James Tiberius Kirk and his crew of intrepid explorers on a mission to visit strange new worlds and boldly go where no man (or vulcan) had gone before. Since that date, there have been 11 feature-length films, 4 spin-off series, some very… Continue reading

Mail This: I Need a Hero

Dear “Heroes”, I’m writing you today because most of you are boring and you don’t even know it. Although I’m cc-ing¬†Commanders John and Jane Shepard and Agent Denton, I’m not berating them because they are nothing more than meat puppets for the gamer to control; their development does nothing more than ape the gamer’s adopted… Continue reading

Mail This: Minibosses Unaware of Pecking Order

From: GiffTor, Outside Efficiency Consultant To: Midlevel, Mini- and Sub-Bosses Re: Organizational Structure Executive Summary I’ve been brought in by management and tasked with taking some of your time today to discuss the proper natural order of things, specifically, the fact that you are all mid-level bosses yet seem either unaware or uncaring regarding your… Continue reading

Mail This: Invade Already!

Dear Malevolent Interstellar Invaders, Whether you’re an insectiform hive intent on wiping out any and all competitors, a reptilian¬†dynastic empire driven to conquer and enslave all life, or synthetic super-collective whose prime directive is to assimilate intelligent life everywhere in a quest for god-hood… would you hurry up and invade already? Look, I know that… Continue reading

Mail This: Pride is a Sin

Dear Electronic Entertainment Executives, Although the Catholic Church has since added some additional sins to the list, you really can’t go wrong with the original seven, particularly since they have such broad ranging appeal that the Mahatma, Mohandas K. Ghandi adopted them in a slightly broadened form. If you have any taste in movies and… Continue reading