I Learned Something Today: Torchlight

There is a lot of evil just below the earth’s surface. I went wandering around a local mine, and didn’t come out for days. Seriously, I don’t think the thing ever ends, and every time I go in, it’s a little bit different. If I didn’t have other responsibilities I don’t think I would have come out at all. There’s just so many crazy creatures that have all kinds of interesting trinkets. It was then, I discovered I had a problem and started to learn the lessons of Torchlight.

The Lessons of Torchlight

  1. Some colors are greater than others
  2. Pet loyalty is unbreakable
  3. Know what you are holding
  4. Bows are for women

It's a lot of fun down here.

Some colors are greater than others

I learned something today. Green has been my favorite color ever since I can remember. Most other colors seem a bit effeminate to me and just aren’t my style. I usually ignore anything blue or violet that I find for that reason. However, I found that the deeper I went into the mines that I was coming across a lot more girly colored items. A few of them seemed important so I consulted one of the store owners and you could tell he was excited to relieve me of my burden. A little too excited. So I did a little research to discover that the more I hated the color, the more expensive the item actually was. I’m still not sure why, but my wallet isn’t complaining. Oh well, my green knife and I will soon be rich after we stab this ogre for 20 minutes and he drops another purple toy. Thanks, Torchlight.

Torchlight Pets

Edgar is a Fire Elemental today

Pet loyalty is unbreakable

I learned something today. Walking through giant holes in the earth can get a bit lonely, so I brought my dog, Edgar, down with me. Edgar likes these mines even more than I do. Outside of them he’s a pretty lazy mutt, but when things get tough and we are fighting for our lives against bats, gremlins, undead mages, and angry trees he rises to the occasion. After the battle is over he loves scavenging corpses for whatever items they left behind. It doesn’t matter if we are 30 miles under the surface, he still seems happy to take our loot back to the shop to get our money. He moves pretty quickly but while he’s away I try and fish for a treat for him when he gets back. The problem is some of those fish don’t really agree with his stomach. One time I fed him a weird looking fish and he turned into a giant spider. Didn’t phase him though as he was a good spider, too. Plus, he returned to normal after an hour or so. I just hope I’m not doing psychological damage to the poor guy. Thanks, Torchlight.

Torchlight Weapons

What is better than a sword? A sword that's on fire

Know what you are holding

I learned something today. So ya, these underground creatures, I think they are hoarders. Every single one of them has cash on them or some item that only seems to be helpful to humans. I stopped asking questions though after I found some useful armor and weapons that helped me kill more of their friends. Even though I thought I was pretty bad ass, a few times back on the surface that store owner was laughing at me. Couldn’t help but feel he was ripping me off, but he just asked “Do you know what you have in your bag there, son? That blade right there?” I of course told him that it was a blade. He laughed and told me to look a bit closer. It had some weird writing on it and I was able to make out the word flame. Then, what do you know, the swords blade was instantly encased in fire. I’ve been using it ever since to light dudes on fire to help me see through those dark mines. Thanks, Torchlight.

Bows are for women

Torchlight Vanquisher

Stop mocking me.

I learned something today. So all of these colorful items can be used basically by anyone. Yet you are telling me, that as a man, I can’t use any bow from this mine as my primary weapon? But I like shooting things. A lot. I’ve adjusted to just using my wand and making shooting noises if I’m swinging my sword. This is still annoying though. I wonder if I wear the women’s armor if that will allow me to use the bows the way I want. Probably not worth it. That store owner laughs at me enough as is. “Thanks” Torchlight.


I’ve been amazed by what I’ve found underground. Mines, crypts, hell, and OMG the money. So much money. It never gets boring because just when the scenery or company feels a bit repetitive, you find a stairway down to a new world that looks nothing like where you just were. I don’t care why these creatures are here or how this amazing architecture holds together, I just never want to leave. Except of course to stick it to that store owner. I’m rich, bitch. Thanks, video games.

I Learned Something Today – Who says that video games can’t teach you life skills? Sure they may get you put in prison or banished from society, but they are skills nonetheless. We take an over-the-top look at some of the potential applications of what video games have taught us.


Giant Bomb (images)