I Learned Something Today: Metroid

When you live through an extreme circumstance with someone, it is only natural to feel a strong connection to that person. However, when that person turns out to really be the complete opposite of what you expected, like for instance a woman instead of a man, the memory of that time get seared into your brain even stronger. Such are the lessons I learned from Metroid.

The Lessons of Metroid

  1. Shooting open doors is always the best option
  2. Justin Bailey is some sort of awesome stripper code
  3. Hot women wear a lot of armor
  4. Don’t celebrate early.


Shooting open doors is always the best option

I learned something today. I will never know why push-to-open doors have handles that look like pull-to-open doors. I do know that is the very last time I fall on my ass outside of a crowded department store. No longer will I have to figure out how to open a door. Instead, I will just shoot open any door that is in my way. All I have to do is make sure it is colored the same color as my weapon of choice. But when in doubt, I will just use missiles. Thanks, Metroid.

Hot women wear a lot of armor

I learned something today. Women can be tough to figure out. The games they play trump anything I’ve ever navigated through with a controller. It is hard to stay motivated work through their issues just to get to know them. Luckily, I now have proof that underneath all of those layers of protection lies a hot woman. Surely, SamusAran can’t be the exception. She seems as normal as they come once she lets her guard down. Thanks, Metroid.

Justin Bailey is some sort of awesome stripper code


Well, hello there

I learned something today. There’s a shortcut through all of those complications involved with women’s clothing. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve failed with my one armed technique. I’ve been going at it all wrong. You just have to find the right code in order to get a girl to drop her gear. Justin Bailey works on bounty hunters. I’ll let you know what I find out with other professions. Thanks, Metroid.

Don’t celebrate early.

I learned something today. Accomplishing your goal feels great, that’s for sure. It took all of your learned skills to deliver that sandwich, but you still have to find your way out of the building. Stay focused. All hell could break loose at any moment, and seemingly simple obstacles can become frustrating if you find yourself unprepared and in a time crunch. My advice is to just be deliberate with your actions and pretend things aren’t exploding behind you. If you stay calm you will make it to the exit. Just don’t take those jumps for granted. Thanks, Metroid.


Metroid may be an empowering tale for women, but it has a lot to teach men as well. Nothing is as complicated as it seems. The solution may not be clear at first, but I now know that explosions and codes solve almost anything. The exceptions just require patience and understanding. Thanks, video games.

I Learned Something Today – Who says that video games can’t teach you life skills? Sure they may get you put in prison or banished from society, but they are skills nonetheless. We take an over-the-top look at some of the potential applications of what video games have taught us.


Giant Bomb (image)