Being a kid is tough. I should know, I used to be one. In light of this, I think it’s beneficial for former kids like myself to look back on their own childhoods and use those experiences to help modern day children live the best lives they can. Seeing as I was kind of a douchebag during my younger years, it’s probably better that I glean useful advice from the Sega Genesis classic Kid Chameleon instead.
The Lessons of Kid Chameleon
- Video games can be trouble, play responsibly
- Sunglasses and leather jackets will help you overcome anything
- There’s nothing wrong with changing your look if it equates to success
- Ignore adults, shortcuts save time
Video games can be trouble, play responsibly
I learned something today. When I was a kid, I never thought twice about sitting in front of my gaming console or endlessly popping coins into an arcade machine for hours on end. Video games are a great way to relax, but there are consequences on spending too much time on them. The biggest consequence of which being that your journey to “first base” may start way later. Find a happy medium between your gaming, athletic endeavors and above the clothes fondling or else you might find yourself stuck in a gaming induced haze with nothing to show but a plump gamer score and even plumper ass. Don’t worry, there will be plenty of time to sit around all day playing games when you’re an adult, especially when your body revolts against you and getting out of bed becomes the biggest accomplishment of your day. Thanks, Kid Chameleon.
Sunglasses and leather jackets will help you overcome anything
I learned something today. People will judge you entirely on the way you look regardless of what you have on the inside. Get used to this as it won’t change unless you start making a ton of money. Earning respect through your looks doesn’t mean that you have to wear a nicely ironed pair of khakis and polo shirt. Respect comes in many flavors, the best being the flavor earned through looking tough. This can only be achieved through facial scars or the leather jacket/sunglass combo. While scars are important, they are entirely optional and may actually be a detriment in the future should you decide to become a school teacher so opt for the Fonzi look and you’ll have a guaranteed easy ride through your formative years. Thanks, Kid Chameleon.
There’s nothing wrong with changing your look if it equates to success
I learned something today. While a consistent wardrobe may better represent your personality, there comes a time when you’ll need to done multiple looks in order to accomplish certain goals. While there are very few situations where a leather jacket and sunglasses aren’t appropriate, life will throw a couple at you so be prepared to pop into a different costume. A tuxedo and slick dress shoes will help you dance smoothly while maintaining an air of refinement and the Speedo and swim cap will take precious seconds off your 100 meter breaststroke. For the most part, these items are widely available to you at any time, but it’s your job to determine when their use is conducive to whatever event or obstacle lays in front of you. Thanks, Kid Chameleon.
Ignore adults, shortcuts save time
I learned something today. Your elders are going to constantly tell you that shortcuts never lead to success. “Take your time,” they’ll tell you, while ignoring the fact that in reality, the tortoise never wins the race. If you can find a moral/ethical means of finishing something quicker then you need to take it or else settle with the fact you’ll always fall short of being number 1. Being number 1 is the key to a satisfying life and anyone that tells you differently probably does so because they’re always placing in second and below. Sure, you may miss out on some life defining experiences by skipping to the end, but with all the time you saved in that instance you can go and find other life experiences to enjoy. That being said, the more speedily you can get through those the more impressive you’ll look on paper. Thanks, Kid Chameleon.
Being a kid is tough, but luckily there are billions of former kids out there to help guide the way. Open your eyes and your ears and absorb as much of the information as you can from these mentors, it could spell the difference between being really happy and being a miserable waste of space. Just remember, only follow the lead of successful people, there’s a reason no one asks for advice from morons. Thanks, video games.
I Learned Something Today – Who says that video games can’t teach you life skills? Sure they may get you put in prison or banished from society, but they are skills nonetheless. We take an over-the-top look at some of the potential applications of what video games have taught us.
Giant Bomb (images)