What would happen to the animal kingdom if the human population suddenly vanished? Many think that the Earth would be better off without us pooping pollution and bullets all over the place, but those people tend to wear clothing made of hemp and rarely shower. While long periods of peace and environmental cleanliness seem beneficial to the planet, the story of Paladog reveals to us that while destroying stuff is bad, the ability to destroy does come in handy when other things are trying to destroy you.
Paladog is a game about a canine paladin who happens to be named Paladog. Humanity is extinct and, in its place, a world populated by non-confrontational anthropomorphized animals that spend their days complimenting each other and baking vegan pies. All is well and good until the denizens of hell, who no longer have the minds of humans to corrupt, decide to attack, leaving the new, more pleasant Earth in shambles. It would appear all is lost until the day that Paladog arrives to empower his animal friends with the skills needed to stave off the demonic invasion. It appears that the violent tendencies of humanity DO have a place in this world.
That’s right hippies, even your beloved animal friends, the ones you refused to eat, had to pick up weapons and fight when pushed to their limits. This means that using the peaceful protest strategy as an excuse to bow out of scenarios like Left 4 Dead and Doom isn’t going to cut the mustard any longer. Sometimes you just have to bust some heads.
Look, I’m not anti-hippy by any stretch of the imagination and I understand using your fists for every problem isn’t a good thing…but would it be so hard for you all to just practice shooting a gun or maybe learn a martial art or something? You will most likely not have to use it, but should the animals that live with you ever have demonic forces to face off against, years of watching you practice will give them the skills they might need.
The game itself is quite enjoyable, if not overly cute and simple as it equates to clicking a number to spawn units while marching down a linear path to the base of the enemy. Don’t let that fool you, however as the message is clear: peaceful exchanges are for pussies!
If you can read this and you’re an animal with a hippie owner, please play the game and protect yourself and the future of your animal friends. I know you get just as annoyed at hippies as everyone else, so don’t let their pacifism leave you helpless in the off-chance we aren’t around to protect you.
Cheap and Dirty Gamer – Being cheap used to be an insult, but with the economy in the dumps it’s now a survival skill. Being dirty also used to be an insult, but that changed after Christina Aguilera’s song came out. Not all gamers have the funds to play full priced games, but that doesn’t mean that gaming quality has to suffer. There are good free and cheap games everywhere, games specifically made for the sexy survivors among us.