I Learned Something Today: Duck Hunt

I love animals. I love having them as pets and I love to eat some of them as well. One thing I don’t love is killing animals for sport. Well, I don’t actually know if I love it or not because I’ve never been hunting. But I do know that I will never give hunting a shot thanks to the lessons I learned from Duck Hunt.

Duck Hunt

The Lessons of Duck Hunt

  1. Ducks are more fun than clay pigeons
  2. Hand guns suck unless you’re really close
  3. Don’t take your dog hunting

Ducks are more fun than clay pigeons

I learned something today. If I had my choice of birds to shoot, I’d shoot seagulls. But if my choice was between a real life duck or a clay pigeon, I’m going for the duck 100% of the time. I wasn’t the kid in kindergarten eating clay so I don’t really know how it tastes, but I do love me some good old-fashioned Peking duck. So on a taste level, ducks are more fun than clay pigeons. They are also more fun to shoot, allegedly. Being non-living pieces of molded clay, the fake pigeons can’t fly around wherever they want. They shoot off in one singular direction with gravity being the only force strong enough to change its direction. Ducks aren’t the fast flying bird in the aviary universe but they aren’t pre-programmed AI either. They can shuck and jive, dip and dive wherever their little bird brains take them. That’s why they’re more fun. Thanks, Duck Hunt.

Hand guns suck unless you’re really close

Zapper

Not the Zapper I'm looking for

I learned something today. I’m not a fan of guns. That doesn’t mean I support any anti-gun movements, the weapon just isn’t for me. However, if I was into guns I would want one that was different shades of gray. None of that fluorescent orange crap. The color issues aside, I think I would rather have a rifle over a dinky little pistol. My preference would change if that pistol is a .357 Magnum, but for hunting purposes, a handgun just won’t do. It’s hard to hit targets from far away with a handgun. Which is kind of important for hunting. I need to be able to sit on my couch and shoot birds and not get really close to register kills. Yeah, I hunt from my couch. I also aim my gun at a lightbulb and I never miss. Thanks, Duck Hunt.

Don’t take your dog hunting

I learned something today. They say dog is a man’s best friend. That person never took their dog hunting with them. Like I said before, I love animals but I don’t love animals when they laugh and judge me condescendingly. Sometimes I’m not able to be as successful as my dog wants me to be. I’ll be washing my car and when I’m done my dog will walk over a piss on one of the tires basically telling me I missed a spot. Or if I buy him food he doesn’t like he’ll take a dump right in the middle of the living room. He can be quite the demanding bastard if you ask me. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t hunt or have never taken him hunting. I know he would just sit there and laugh at my unfortunate shooting abilities. His laughing would enrage me to the point of killing my best friend. Then like Neo from the Matrix, I know he’d just dodge the bullets and laugh some more. Thanks, Duck Hunt.

Dog

And the little dog too.

Conclusion

Playing Duck Hunt has prevented me from ever wanting to hunt in real life. Besides being terrible with a hand gun and having a canine companion laugh at me whenever he gets the chance I just don’t have a desire to go out in the wilderness to kill my food. I did enough of that in Oregon Trail. Thanks, video games.

I Learned Something Today – Who says that video games can’t teach you life skills? Sure they may get you put in prison or banished from society, but they are skills nonetheless. We take an over-the-top look at some of the potential applications of what video games have taught us.

Sources

Giant Bomb (images)