I Learned Something Today: BioShock

I’ve fallen victim to the grass is always greener mentality several times in my life. I’ve moved across the city, across the state, and across the country looking for answers to small and large questions. Searching for home or just searching for thrills, it didn’t matter. However, when you get too far off the beaten path you are just looking for trouble. There is some weird trouble out there, too. Most of which I discovered from the lessons of BioShock.


The Lessons of BioShock

  1. Drugs are still bad
  2. Little girls are not qualified to be nurses
  3. Don’t work so hard when Vita-Chambers are around
  4. Stay away from isolated societies

Drugs are still bad

I learned something today. We are fortunate to live in a society where drug addicts have helpful options like rehab facilities and reality television. I’ve seen first hand how an entire city can be brought down if drugs are left unchecked. Babies replaced by guns, art made from dead bodies, and people spouting flames from their hands do not make for the foundation of a society. Although turning your limbs into flamethrowers is actually kind of awesome. Hook me up with that hypo, man. Thanks, BioShock.

BioShock Big Daddy

Not natural.

Little girls are not qualified to be nurses

I learned something today. While it should be obvious that children cannot be trusted as caretakers, some health facilities apparently need a reminder. Your latest employees, the girls that are too young to be candy stripers, are completely incompetent. They only come to the aid of patients after they have died. Instead of disposing of the body or performing a helpful autopsy, the girls just take tiny samples of bodily fluid. I also fear that their job is having a severe effect on their social skills because they are terrified of living human beings. Additionally, while I appreciate that the girls are never alone and have personal body guards, the personal relationship between the young nurse and security guard is very unnerving. These guards are not adequate father figures and have nasty tempers. I just hope they never turn against the children. Thanks, BioShock.

Don’t work so hard when Vita-Chambers are around

I learned something today. I used to be very meticulous when exploring dangerous locations. Taking my time, carefully selecting and isolating any potential attackers, and setting up traps for protection. The problem is all it takes is one mistake in a carefully laid plan before it all goes to hell. Long story short, I died out there. Lucky for me I died in an area with Vita-Chamber technology that essentially resurrects you with no questions asked. Not only that but any progress I made or damage I did to my foes held up. Now I run around without care or fear because I cannot die. If anything attacks me and I collapse, I get to exact my revenge the next time I see them and revenge is oh so satisfying. Thanks, BioShock.

BioShock Splicer

Does not want a hug.

Stay away from isolated societies

I learned something today. Remote civilizations are that way for a reason. If a group of people chooses not to be a part of our huge, loud world, they have their reasons. Also remember that the more remote the location, the more this fact holds true. Even if you find yourself stranded or compelled to explore a mysterious location full of natives, stop, turn around, and go back to where you came from. Leave them the hell alone. And never, I mean never, dive down into an underwater city. There is no circumstance in existence that would make that viable option. Why the hell would you ever do that? Thanks, BioShock.


As fun as people watching can be, some people are just best left to their own devices. If they are not hurting our larger society as a whole, what harm are they really doing. It seems to me the only harm these crazies can do is when you choose to get too close to them. They will either kill you or you’ll turn into them and think their way of life is the right way of life. Either way you are better off just staying home. Thanks, video games.

I Learned Something Today – Who says that video games can’t teach you life skills? Sure they may get you put in prison or banished from society, but they are skills nonetheless. We take an over-the-top look at some of the potential applications of what video games have taught us.


Giant Bomb (images)