I Learned Something Today: Dungeon Defenders

Home ownership is a huge component of the “American Dream” but that dream can quickly melt into a nightmare if one sits idly by while society’s worst plan ways to encroach on one’s personal space. Contacting your local home security expert is a great first step, but the safety of you, your family and all the cool crap you’ve collected over the years is dependent on making home defense the most important mission relating to the maintenance of your humble abode. Thank the lord that Dungeon Defenders came along to help us with that very task.

Dungeon Defenders

The Lessons of Dungeon Defenders

  1. Protecting what is yours is not about looking good
  2. Different intruders have different skills
  3. Cooperative Efforts make for safer settings
  4. Be prepared to take things into your own hands

Protecting what is yours is not about looking good

I learned something today. Conventional home defense methods like burglar alarms and reinforced locks are fine, but don’t get too comfortable with the status quo. All it takes is some ingenuity and experience for a bad guy to figure out a loophole in your system and exploit it, thus leaving you and your family vulnerable. Things like landmines and spiked barriers may be frowned upon by mainstream society, but they’re effective and will make a potential intruder think twice about trying to steal your stuff or assault your family. There’s nothing like being covered in the crimson slime that used to be an accomplice’s face to deter a guy from continuing to pursue a life of crime. Thanks, Dungeon Defenders.

Dungeon Defenders Crystal

That crystal is pretty safe, but it could be safer.

Different intruders have different skills

I learned something today. People tend to lump home invaders all together, but there is a drastic difference between mischievous teenagers looking to expand their DVD collection and serial killers bent on disemboweling you and stringing your innards around the house like Christmas garland. Any kind of home defense strategy should incorporate the potential for ever-increasing intruder competency as well as intruder motivation. Aforementioned teens will probably run when they hear an alarm go off because, in the end, DVDs are not worth the jail time. The mass murderer, on the other hand, runs on blood lust and probably has oodles of slasher experience, thus making the task of securing your homestead much more difficult. Upgrade your defenses regularly and keep your own combat skills sharp, you never know when a chainsaw wielding maniac will be your next unwanted guest. Thanks, Dungeon Defenders.

Cooperative efforts make for safer settings

Dungeon Defenders Group

The more varied your neighborhood watch is, the more interesting the carnage will be.

I learned something today. It’s possible to protect your home entirely on your own, but this requires a ton of resources and your strategies will be limited and one-dimensional, based on your skill set. You can’t be everywhere at once either, so while taking on a robber yourself is relatively simple (if you’re adequately prepared) an entire motorcycle gang could create quite the pickle. Instead of thinking of the protection issue as a household problem, think of it as a neighborhood problem and look to those around you as allies in a battle against the morally corrupt masses. Create a heavily armed neighborhood watch or build a huge moat around your block; either way, multiple hands make things that much easier and an angry mob is far more effective at stomping mudholes than a lone citizen. Thanks, Dungeon Defenders.

Be prepared to take things into your own hands

Dungeon Defenders Magic

Let's, get, dangerous

I learned something today. No defense is impenetrable and, at some point in the future, you will be penetrated… I mean your defenses will be penetrated by a villainous individual. The Chinese may have felt safe behind their Great Wall but they also developed a crap ton of martial arts in the off chance that the enemy broke through. This should be at the back of your mind as well. Whether you keep a sawed-off shotgun under your pillow, craft a pair of spiked nunchuku or train in the art of ninja jump kicks, you’ve got to be prepared to meet the home invader head on and then take his/her head off. Thanks, Dungeon Defenders.


Living in a state of fear is never a good thing, but neither is being aloof about the potential for a break in. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best and keep your push-up potential at its max so that a late night session of love making is never interrupted by a spear through you and your partner’s thrusting sweat covered bodies. Thanks, video games.


Giant Bomb (images)