As children, we tend to idolize various adult professions. We find heroes and devote a portion of our young lives to being just like that person. Firefighters, doctors and policemen were the everyday Batmans and Supermans, just without the tights and guaranteed six packs. Personally, I used to tell everyone I wanted to be a doctor when I was older. Yet here I am, writing an article about the lessons of Driver: San Francisco on why I would go back in time and tell my childhood self the reasons why I should have wanted to be a cop behind the wheel on the crazy streets.
The Lessons of Driver: San Francisco
- Shift often, but shift responsibly
- Keep an eye on the bigger picture
- Always go for the head-on collision
- Use your coma powers for Good
Shift often, but shift responsibly
I learned something today. When you’re a determined cop living life on the edge, it takes more than a coma to put you out of commission. In these cases, comas grant you the power to possess other drivers on the mean streets to dish out sweet justice upon the bumpers of those grimy enough to catch your eye. It takes some getting used to, leaving your body back in your ride to become the strict mother who won’t let her child quit her violin lessons or the struggling youth looking to win street races to pay for college. When you do become the opposite sex, remember to keep your hands on the wheel. Let’s not make this weird. Once you’ve gotten a handle of your skills, you’ll be fearlessly jumping between drivers so fast that you’re back into your own body before the traffic light turns green. That’s how you can make the streets a better place. Thanks, Driver: San Francisco.
Keep an eye on the bigger picture
I learned something today. From street level, it’s hard to keep watch over every intersection. Occasionally, you need to take a couple, or several yards worth, of steps back to see the bigger picture. Lost track of the speeding punk with no regard for stop signs? Zoom out, see him driving on the sidewalk five blocks over, shift into a car nearby and show him you mean business with a little car-on-car violence. It’s for the greater good. Need to switch to a faster car? Soar over to the nearest garage and commandeer a souped-up sports car, no money down! Want to find a doughnut shop with the shortest wait in line? Well, you can do that too when you’re looking down from the clouds. You’ve earned it. Thanks, Driver: San Francisco.
Always go for the head-on collision
I learned something today. Ramming a criminal off the streets from behind is all well and good, but there’s something more satisfying and immediate about grinding things to a halt with a head-on collision. Thanks to the magic of science, burning rubber towards the oncoming fender of that getaway driver will get him off the streets faster and into the slammer (or hospital) and free up your schedule to do it all over again to the next unlucky soul who dares to disrespect your territory. You’re everyone’s favorite cop by now. They just don’t know it yet. Forcing civilians to drive into oncoming traffic is a perfectly viable tactic! Thanks, Driver: San Francisco.
Use your coma powers for Good
I learned something today. When you’re the biggest, baddest cop in town, you need to remember that you’re supposed to be a hero to the people. Maybe you shouldn’t shift into an attractive lady’s SUV and always claim you didn’t even notice who the driver was. Maybe you shouldn’t spy through apartment windows when looking down from above. Maybe you shouldn’t choose the elderly man’s station wagon as the car you send headfirst into the wayward tractor trailer. Don’t let all the power go to your head, even if you’re simply in a coma and not sure if anything is really happening or not. Never stop being the hero. Thanks, Driver: San Francisco.
When you wake up and think back at what you’ve done with your newfound powers, you want to remember how you made the city a safer place. You just might want to forget how many civilian vehicles you sent to the impound lot in the process. Thanks, video games.
I Learned Something Today – Who says that video games can’t teach you life skills? Sure they may get you put in prison or banished from society, but they are skills nonetheless. We take an over-the-top look at some of the potential applications of what video games have taught us.
Giant Bomb (images)